My crazy mind

i'm drowning

Organized or chaotic. Where do you fall on the scale?

I start organized and slide to the bottom of chaotic. I’m not an organized person. I wish I was. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with my jumbled antics, but no matter how much I try and get organized and form some sort of structure I just don’t stick to it. I have every intention to do so. I buy diaries, cork boards, journals, blackboards, post-it-stickers, notebooks, flip cards and write out my aspirations, goals, plots lines, character arcs, publishing schedule, marketing schedule, menu, shopping list—it’s endless. Then the inevitable happens, I don’t look at it, I lose it, I change my mind, I get better ideas, find another focus. So I start again. I write it all out again with enthusiasm and incentive to stick with it. Then the inevitable, I start to slide again.

But I don’t beat myself up about it. It kind of works just fine with my writing, thank god. It’s typical for me to change a lot of story mid way through, so it doesn’t matter much that I never got around to plotting the second half of the story. I was once 50,000 words into a novel before I had an epiphany about my story, which found me rewinding to the beginning and starting all over again, same characters, but plot and setting morphed into something entirely different (I’m still working on that one by the way).

My family are used to my mental mess. They step around me, roll their eyes, breathe a sign and get on with their own lives.

One day perhaps I will find the order that may make my live smoother, or maybe I won’t. Either way I will just keep on living and laughing and rebounding off constantly shifting ideas.


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